I love the flash of the lights, the clash of the
clapboard. My life is perfect. What part of being a reality TV star wouldn’t
be?
“Karrie! Get on
set now! I don’t need any more angry
fans.”
“Okay! Okay! Gosh I didn’t know that was so important to
you.”
“It’s kind of my job.”
“Agreed.”
“Okay three, two, one action!” Dina enters. I jaunt around the set kitchen as if the
cameras aren’t there. That’s the thing
about reality TV shows. It’s all
fake. I love it.
“Um what are you doing in here Karrie?” Dina Tey is such
a good actress she’s bound to be in an actual TV show some day.
“Uh it’s my house too, sis,” I say squinting into the
distance to read from the teleprompter.
“Oh, yeah forgot about that,” Dina says
“Cut! Cut! Cut!” Elbert slaps his forehead. “Seriously, you forgot about that? She is your sister! I’m Elbert Spence, I have better things to do
than spend my time with you people!” I
look down. I thought I was
important. “Scene one take two. Lights, camera, action.”
“Hey sis how are you doing?” This time Helen entered
first.
“Uh… I can’t see the teleprompter,” I squint into the
darkness behind the lights “I think I need glasses. Wait… no, I need contacts, glasses are ugly.”
“Cut! Oh my gosh
Karrie! I’ll move the stupid
teleprompter forward. Now this time
let’s not fail! Scene one, take two. Action!”
“Hey girl, how’s it going,” I’ve never heard Helen talk
like that before.
“I still can’t read the teleprompter,” I say glaring at
Mike the set guy.
“Cut! You know
what, we are done for today, bye.” Dina
comes out from behind the set.
“Thanks a lot Karrie!
You made Elbert aggravated. Now
he’s probably going to cancel the show or something.” She stomps away leaving
me standing there alone with Helen.
“I think you need glasses.” she says and struts away.
“What?! You know I
think they make you look gruesome!” I
was left just standing there. Just me
and the cleanup guys. I plop down into
the chair near me. CRASH! I forgot the chair is fake, like everything
else here, fake.
I get up off the floor, look around and stomp out the
door.
“Okay guys, let’s make today better than yesterday. I don’t need you wasting my time again. Lights, camera, action!”
“Hey I’m back.” Dina places a group of shopping bags on
the counter.
“Uh… I can’t see it again.” Everyone swivels around to
take their turn at giving me a menacing stare.
“Karrie come here please” Elbert says and I cringe. “You have got to start trying, do you hear
me?”
“Uh, yeah.’’
“That was a rhetorical question. Anyway, you are the only person here who
needs a teleprompter. Why can’t you just
memorize lines? Everyone else can!” his
brow begins furrow. “You are an
untalented, blunderous, crude, helpless, irritating, disturbing, jerk!”
I look down trying to hide my tears. Elbert Spence may be a famous director, but
he would never win the award for the nicest person on earth. “Okay, now get back on set and try this
time!” I drag my feet into my place and
wait for the dreaded words. “Lights,
camera, action!”
“Hey sis, I’m home.” Helen waits, anticipating my future
fail.
“Great, good for you,” I say and Helen looks surprised
that I didn’t fail.
“Well what do you want to eat for dinner tonight?”
I freeze.
“Uh… frog eyes,” I say immediately regretting it and
waiting for the yell of the word ‘cut’.
But it is absent.
“Ew that’s disgusting!”
Helen crinkles her nose
“Well it’s not my fault I’m not perfect!” my emotions
need to come out. “Why do you think Elbert called me over and yelled at
me? Why do you think I need a
teleprompter? Why do you think I can’t
act, or sing, or dance, or be a normal person?!” Out of the corner of my eye I
see Dina creep out onto the set. “Why do
you think everyone hates me? Why do you
think I can’t go anywhere without getting insults? I’m tired!
I’m tired of this persecution, I’m tired of everyone expecting me to be
perfect!” the cameras keep rolling. “I’m
tired of everyone being a jerk! I’m
tired of life!”.
I plop down on the ground and leave myself there to
rot. Unfortunately, I don’t
spontaneously combust. That would have been, like, SO dramatic. I drop my head
into my hands and wait for Elbert to start yelling. But he doesn’t. No one
does. In fact, the entire set has gone completely silent. I stare at everyone.
They’re frozen in place, staring back at me. After about 10 seconds, everyone
unfreezes and starts clapping. Applause. For me! Just like I‘ve always dreamed.
Elbert is loudly and excitedly talking about ratings and drama and money and
fame. Helen and Dina are glaring at me. I glare back at them and stomp away.
Halfway dead on the LA highway, I realize what I’ve done.
My life is over. My career is over. Nothing matters anymore. I just completely made a horrible image of
myself on national television. Now I
have an even worse public image than I did before.
“WHY?!” I scream banging my head on the dashboard “OW!” I
screamed again rubbing my forehead.
“CRAP!” I scream realizing the car window is rolled down. I glare out the window at the people
videotaping me. “SHUT THAT PHONE OFF!” I
yell at them. The delinquent on my right
puts on a pair of sunglasses and keeps recording. “I SAID TURN IT OFF YOU DELINQUINT!”
I grab the stuffed die hanging from my front mirror and
chuck it at her. She catches them and
chucks them back at me while still recording they land on the road so I pick up
the agate that sits on my dash board and chuck it at her. It hits her in the head and suddenly her eyes
roll into the back of her head. Her
hands fall off the steering wheel and her car abruptly stops.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
I look back and ten cars are in a pileup behind her. Out the window of her car I see a hand
hanging holding a bright pink phone.
“WHY? WHY? WHY?
WHY?” I honk the horn multiple
times and begin the even longer trek home.
Right when I got home I immediately turn on the computer
and go to news4theworld.com. The first
heading I see is ‘KARRIE REDGER IS OFFICIALLY CRAZY’.
“CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!” I knew this was going to
happen. Just to be sure I’m not all over
the internet I go check the ‘New York Times’ website. The very first thing I see ‘KARRIE REDGER IS
OFFICIALLY CRAZY’ next to the title there is a video. Out of curiosity and partly rage I click the
play button. I could not believe my
beautiful eyes. Let’s just say I should
not have engaged in activity with ‘the delinquent’.
That video, taken by a bright pink phone, that phone
belongs to editor in chief of ‘The New York Times’. The video went on to show what a ‘jerk’ I am
and how I should apparently be in an insane asylum. I slammed the computer down and stormed into
my room. The canopy bed was the only
thing making me feel safe so I flopped onto it, hiding my face in the pillow
and bawling my eyes out as if I was four again.
I fell asleep with images of terror in my head that night.
When I woke up, I immediately checked my phone. I had
3-billion new haters on Twitter, and four-billion on Instagram. Uh-oh. I guess
a lot of people must have seen that video. I log onto Splashtube and scream. It
is the number one most popular video EVER! As I watch the video again, I get an
email from Elbert. Oh, no.
‘Subject: You’re fired.’
I didn’t bother to read anymore after that.
I bawled for about fifteen minutes, and then suddenly I
made a decision. I wouldn’t let these haters stop me. I would start over. I
would change my name and my look and my attitude. Well, actually I have a pretty
good attitude, so I’ll keep that the same. But I will no longer be Karrie
Redger, Reality TV Star. I will be Katrina Craze, evil sixth grade teacher!
I click new message.
To: witnessprotectionprogram@wpp.com
From: karrie_redger@weemail.com
Subject: I need a new identity!
Message: I’m sure
by now you’ve probably seen the viral video of me. Please don’t judge! Anyway, I really need to join the witness
protection. Don’t ask why, I just
do. I’ll give you a million bucks. Hope you consider me! Sincerely, Karrie Redger (my new name is
going to be Katrina Craze)
The End
