Samay: (Sadly Walks in, in Indian accent) My store got
robbed for the FIFTH TIME this week! I am so angry! Why can’t people just leave
my store alone?
Charlie: It’s ok! Our recent studies have a semi-legal
weapon that allows YOU to save your store! Meet: The LightBlade! The lightblade
allows us to cut through things easily using focused beams of light that are
refracted as per frequency! You can get your LightBlade in multiple colors! It
comes in Red, Blue, Green, and Rainbow!
Nasym: Yeah, but how does that help him protect his
store?
Charlie: Just watch as my assistant and I provide a
demonstration!
Samay: This better be good...
{Scene: Nasym walks into the “store,” and pretends to
steal something. From the behind, Charlie brings the LightBlade up, and swings
to make light contact with Nasym’s neck. As Nasym falls down, Charlie stabs the
sword towards the ground to Nasym’s right side, by his large flabs. As the
blade makes contact with the ground, all we see is Nasym’s legs and arms in the
air.}
Charlie: You see? We also advertised our other prized
product: The Life Disc! Just throw it at the person that needs to be revived,
and BAM! They’re up and running! It’s so easy to use as we have precisely
calculated its aerodynamics and flight patterns to analyze its perfect flight
path! In other words, we folded a piece of paper 5 times.
Samay: Why do I want to keep the guy and then bring him
back to life?!
Charlie: Well... You can throw the disc at the guy if you
want.
Samay: YES!
Charlie: And it’s a good way to make money!
Samay: Sure… But it doesn’t sell as well as the products
in my store.
Charlie: (Laughs)
Evan: And remember: For only a $5 dollar value, you can
buy this item for 5 easy payments of 999.99! And if you buy our LifeDisc, you
will get a special discounted price of 3 easy payments of 999.99! And we’ll
throw in free shipping! (in a lower, faster voice) Side effects of the LifeDisc
include Coronary Artery Disease, Stroke, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease,
Lower Respiratory Infections,Trachea, Bronchus, and finally Lung Cancers!
(louder and more clear) And just these make this our SPECIAL VALUE OF THE YEAR!
(Nasym punches at screen)
Everyone: (Nasym brings punch back) The LightBlade! The
flashiest way to protect your items!
(Nasym faints)
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