After several long, grueling months of investigation, rumors of illegal squirrel breeding at a local elementary school were proven true, according to Igerna Morgen, chairman of the United States Squirrel Rights Association, who said that the breeding violated Squirrel Rights law number 126 B.
Sixth grade teacher Mrs. Dreadbone Craze was caught using the attic of a local elementary school as a squirrel breeding facility, witnesses said.
“The way she treated those squirrels was inhumane.” Morgen declared. “It’s a good thing the USSRA caught her before she went too far!”
Morgen went on to say that this was the third illegal squirrel breeder that the USSRA had apprehended this year.
“Some people are just so cruel,” she announced sadly. “Fortunately, the USSRA is educating school groups about the importance of being kind to squirrels. Many young children are now wearing buttons and t-shirts that sport the USSRA motto: ‘Squirrels are people too, and they deserve to be treated that way!’ Our hope is that by January 2017, we will have completely rid the world of illegal squirrel breeders.”
Mrs. Dreadbone Craze was not available for comment.
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